TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) chapter eleven: "New Days - six years later"

Chapter Eleven

New Days – Six years later 

I turned the pages of the newspaper, spread across the kitchen table, immersed in the headlines, stunned but not surprised to see my family’s name embroiled in financial scandal…  Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

     I’d found that note when I packed up my things. My secret engagement had been so long ago it was largely forgotten by everyone except me.

     My teaching assistant’s job had officially ended for the summer (and because I was only employed on contract I had no pay to go on vacation). My bank account, aligned with the family trust – the place I’d allowed my father to invest my share of the family savings and assets, was tied up in debt, frozen. It would be months before we knew the outcome of the investigation into the director of the financial organization we’d invested with. I had exactly one month’s salary to live on – for the rest of my life.

     I was in some credit card debt (my fault from the shopping sprees I’d been encouraged to go on by my sisters) but still, it was the worst time to find a ‘real job’. There were so few vacancies and I didn’t have my degree. Unlike my older sister, Elizabeth, I didn’t panic.  I’d allowed my father to invest money my grandparents had set aside for me, years ago, and although we had not been close in recent years, even then it must have been a very unwise decision. I had to take responsibility for my actions.

      Besides, I loved The Beach Shack. Being a waitress was not the worst idea I’d ever had; it just didn’t pay well. It paid enough, almost.

      “Keep telling yourself that, Jane,” Melissa said. “You’re in your twenties now, it’s time to wake up and smell the espresso – literally.”

      I wished Melissa would keep her ‘helpful’ comments to herself. Teenage marriage had been her escape and she’d never had to consider how to earn a living since. It was typical of her to judge me for trying as hard as I could.

     I wrote out the pros and cons.

     Pros:

    At The Beach Shack, Keira and I get free coffee and food. I also get to sit and work on my blog before and after work and during breaks. It is wasted energy to worry about the lost deposit or the weeks I’d saved to go on the trip to Mexico, something I’d been planning for months.

     Cons:

    The vacay money would have to go towards my debts and credit card bills.

    Who said being an adult was fun? I threw the travel brochures away and picked up Pride and Prejudice instead. I read until early morning.

    After I fell asleep, the telephone woke me up, ringing in my ear. I thought it had been disconnected. I let it go to messages. The only way anyone communicated these days was by text anyway, unless it was urgent. I thought I’d better check. It was Melissa, my younger sister. I heard her familiar whine: twenty-one, married and newly pregnant with her third child. Her first pregnancy, two years ago, had resulted in twins.

     I could hear Melissa’s flat, monotone voice, on the other end of the line, begging me to come and stay with her in Venice Beach. Well, I liked Venice Beach but staying at her place was like a living nightmare of sulking nannies and screaming babies.

   At least she’d offered. Let’s face it, I was in no position to refuse but I knew my father and Liz were expecting me in Bel Air. I hoped it would only be until I got on my feet.

     Nevertheless, Melissa sounded pretty desperate.

     “The nanny needs the day off to go to her mother’s second wedding, so typical!” I pulled the receiver from my ear. Almost no one called me these days except my sisters, and only when they wanted something. I listened to Missy’s voice drone on, a litany of whinges ending with, “I need you here now!”

     Turns out Melissa and Fred, (Melissa’s husband), had a function at Fred’s work they couldn’t cancel and Melissa needed me to drive to the beach house and deliver the keys to Liz who’d organised the lease with the new tenants. Missy had to get ready, then she wanted me to drive back to her place and babysit her children for the evening.

     I knew it.

     I loved children but Melissa’s infant twins were the most difficult I’d ever encountered. All of her previous nannies had quit and I didn’t blame them.

    In a nutshell, my sisters and Keira are pretty much the only other “adults” I’ve spoken to in ages. How was it, I wondered, after more than twenty-one years on this earth, I’d managed to create a network of so few friends?  It hadn’t helped that I’d dropped out of college. But now, my closest acquaintances apart from my family were the convenience store operator and the lady who ran my father’s local dry–cleaning store. 

    Reluctantly, I pulled on a sweater and picked up my car keys.

    When I reached Melissa’s house near Venice Beach an hour later, I glanced at the note she’d left on her dining room table.  I had to go to the grocery store. I’m out of formula! Keys are in the red envelope. Thanks Jane! Text me when you’re done.  

    The kitchen was shambolic. The maid had quit the previous week. There were papers piled up everywhere I looked. I brushed them aside as I tried to locate the envelope, then I glanced at my reflection in the hall. I hadn’t bothered with make-up but I thought I should wash my face. Before I left, I stacked the dishwasher, scraped my hair into a ponytail, secured it with elastic and rubbed some lip balm into my lips; not very glamorous but ready to go.

    I loved driving my old car but suddenly the images of those who were lost to me in different ways – my father, Jenny, Ben – filled the small spaces in my mind that had room for any worldly cares. I was exhausted with worry yet the ocean usually revived me. I loved the coastline along the winding road that led into Wentworth. I turned up the music in my car stereo, but being alone gave me too much time to think.

    I was lucky, really, I told myself. It was just the comparison with my sisters that made me seem somehow lacking. I was hardly old, but my sisters seemed to have their lives organised on the surface. Underneath, it was a different story.

    Melissa met Fred at eighteen and married him three months later. Elizabeth was a driven career woman with a high salary and a passion for first kisses. I had it on good authority (via Melissa) that she was dating Tom Wentworth, but she didn’t want him to think she was “exclusive;” like I cared. 

   I was beginning to look like the sibling without direction, purpose or prospects. Since I hadn’t had a boyfriend who’d lasted longer than a week in three years, neither of my siblings held out high hopes for me.

     When I arrived at Kellynch, the house was lit in afternoon sun. I unlocked the door and pulled on my painting shirt, which still had tiny, Dali-esque splatters along the collar, cuffs and front.

     I was not surprised that my family didn’t arrange the necessary house makeover and repairs until after I left. Freshly painted, the place looked spick and span again and ready for the new tenants. Kellynch was full of memories of happier days.

    You could practically smell the cloying sweetness of money in the damp Victorian hallway near the family portrait, which had been covered with a cloth. I breathed out heavily, determined not to cry anymore.  I’d tried to slip out of the old house days ago, along the hedges of the flowers and fruit trees my grandmother had planted, but once again, I was dragged back. 

     I went outside and sat on the front porch, waiting for Liz to arrive (late as usual), and then I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I knew I’d probably never live here again, certainly not as a tenant, much less the owner. I wanted to remember the sea air and the sand between my toes.

    The visitors, the family who wished to lease the home, were to arrive at midday to exchange contracts and keys. I wasn’t sure why an estate agent wasn’t employed but suddenly Liz was on a savings drive and had decided to deliver the paperwork herself.  She assured me the new tenants would, “look after the house as if it were their own.”

    I glanced at the contract but their surname, Croft, didn’t ring a bell. The family were obviously not locals. 

     I couldn’t breathe that afternoon as I waited. It had been half an hour, already. Bored, I found my old swimsuit in a box and decided to go swimming.  By then Liz had texted me to apologise for the delay.

    I dived right into the pool. The water folded into my arms, sublime, drowning my memories – but not quite. The memory of Ben and the reality of my life now was way too clear. Stupid, stupid girl I was, letting myself be talked out of marrying Ben when I was eighteen, being convinced that hesitation would just mean delay. The idea that marrying the man I loved would be the answer to my dreams was so yesterday I nearly laughed. It was such an old fashioned notion to think that any other person had the power to fix your life, let alone a man, yet I felt I was being treated badly by my family because I had no one to stick up for me. Well then, I knew I’d have to stand tall and stand up for myself. 

   “If he loves you, he will wait for you, it will all work out,” Elizabeth had assured me. I wouldn’t have taken advice solely from her but my sisters had agreed. Somehow my Godmother and sisters convinced me that if Ben was more than a passing fantasy, our love would stay strong and survive distance. My father, of course, had shown his true feelings from the beginning.

    “Besides”, my father had said, “any happiness between you and the Wentworth boy is sure to be short lived because truly, what are his prospects? Don’t you realize how hard it is not just to be accepted into pilot training but then to complete it?”

   “Of course, he’d have to become an officer first,” Melissa interjected with a raised eyebrow, as if that was impossible.

    My Godmother assured me if I could wait, so would he.

    How wrong could they have been? I had not heard from Ben since the day I’d refused his proposal. Yet I still wore the plain gold band he’d enclosed with the note, around a fine chain on my neck. I always tucked it into my collars, though, so no one ever saw it.

    Eleanor and the others had been so wrong. My hesitancy caused him to doubt my love. I had loved Ben more than words could say and here he was, returning home for the summer, an officer and a gentleman. He made the boys I’d met since look dull and average by comparison. 

    But no one forced me to do what I did. Not really.

    Hadn’t I thought, deep down, that I was unprepared to be someone’s wife, to wholly belong to anyone until I belonged to myself?

     “You have no sense of your own power,” Jenny had told me once and she was right. All I’d felt, in relation to my family, was the lack of it. 

     But what was worse, I had no sense of self-worth, and I’d spent years searching for it. Doing good works for others, looking after other people’s children might be a worthy occupation but how did it compare to having your own? And the only person I’d ever envisaged doing that with, was Ben. And now he was gone. And yes, I was still young but when you’ve lost the man you love all you feel is the distance of years spread out like an endless, empty road.

      I had loved Ben with all my soul but I’d let him go. Now he was sure to be tied to another. In many ways, because of my hesitancy, I felt I’d deserved this half-world that was my life.

     As I stood on the edge of the diving board, the higher one, the one I never climbed because heights scared me, I shivered. I could feel my hair dripping down my back. I lay down and closed my eyes. I rolled and felt almost light in the sun, faintly off balance, when a hand grabbed my elbow as I opened my eyes. I looked up, closer to the edge and saw Liz’s face.

    “Are you alright?” My sister asked me. Liz was standing on the steps peering over at me through dark sunglasses.  

    “Yes,” I lied. “I was just getting some sun.”

     Liz shook her head.

    “You were miles away, you looked like you were about to roll off the edge of the diving board, eyes closed. I know you are scared of standing up in high places but this is ridiculous. I was yelling at you to come down. It’s not safe up here. The workmen are returning tomorrow to fix the slide. C’mon Jane, the new tenants will be here in twenty minutes, help me clear out the last of the boxes.”

    She offered me her hand and I took it. Women like my sister Elizabeth acted on instinct. They looked after themselves first, knowing that if they didn’t, they might be left out in the cold. Women like Elizabeth would never become women like me.

   If only I’d been that much of a realist, with an iron grip survival instinct. I wouldn’t be the sort of person who almost fell off the edge of a diving board because her head was somewhere in the clouds. 

   I heard my Godmother arriving from next door. “Good news, Jane,” She exclaimed.   “I mean, that the beach house has been leased.”

  “Yes,” I said hesitantly.

   “Oh, I’m sorry. I know it has been your home for the last few years but you are always welcome to stay with me until you are… on your feet again.”

   “Thanks Eleanor,” I replied with a smile. I knew my Godmother meant well, but I’d already promised both Liz and Melissa I’d stay with them. “I’m fine,” I added as I walked back through the sitting room. Sarah Croft, our new tenant, had arrived.  Her name didn’t mean anything to me, but her face looked vaguely familiar.

    “She’s way famous,” Liz whispered as she hurried downstairs. “She’s on that soap, you know, the one that was filmed in Malibu with all of those glamorous people.”

     I couldn’t resist a pause as I walked towards the doorway where Sarah stood, admiring the view. Sarah Croft was Ben’s (now) married sister. Formerly Sarah Wentworth, she’d taken her husband’s name.

    She turned, looked up, smiled at me and said, “Hi, haven’t we met before?”

    “I ...knew your family,” I stammered. Elizabeth looked surprised. I wanted to add, “but we only met once over a family dinner as teenagers.” I remembered how warm and welcoming the Wentworths were back then and the delicious food Mrs Wentworth had cooked. Instead, I said nothing. I’d been erased from Ben’s life as easily as our maid removed dust from the window ledge I’d once crawled out of when I was three.

     I shivered and pulled my sweater close. My hair was still wet.  

     “I knew I’d seen you before,” Sarah said with a smile.

     “I… I’ve seen you on television as well,” I stumbled, sounding not much more than pathetic.

     “Oh, that show,” she said, dismissively, “I think being a mom suits me more than the world of show biz,” she laughed as her young son came running into the room.

     I smiled.

    “Don’t worry,” she joked. “He’s usually very well behaved,” she added as she wandered through the hall to contain her son while her husband talked with Liz outside and signed the paperwork, taking possession of the keys. 

    “I knew your brother once,” I said suddenly.

    “Oh,” she replied, then she smiled. “Oh, now I remember you coming over for dinner when my family lived in Los Angeles.”

     She paused, picked up Max and changed the subject. “Well, thank you so much for renting out your beautiful house. My husband… is working all summer on a movie and this place is exactly what I needed.”

      I paused, “Uh huh…”

      “I felt overwhelmed with my acting schedule and I needed a vacation, just to be a mom. It’s nice to have a break. But I never would have known about this place. My brother told me about it. Ben is so thoughtful like that. He read the notice online. Of course, we knew the town but not this particular area. Ben really is the kindest, best man I know, apart from my father and husband, of course.”

     I smiled. I knew of Ben’s inherent kindness. It was a great attribute that I missed every day. I couldn’t help but be mildly annoyed that Ben was inadvertently responsible for my current situation.

     “I remember now, you were both childhood friends.”

     “We went to Hallowed Halls together.”

     “I missed all of that. I was away at college.”

     “Oh,” was all I said.

      Sarah clearly had no idea about the extent of our relationship. It was probably better that way.

      She continued, “I left college to go into showbiz when I got that series at eighteen, so this is a chance for Ben and I to hang out together before he starts his pilot training programme, in Texas.”

     “Right,” I nodded.

    “We’re having a bonfire party this weekend. You and your family must come. I’m sure Ben would love to see you.”

      Before I could reply my sister called out from beyond the porch.

      “Jane!” 

      I went to leave then hesitated.

     “I’ll try to come. By the way, look after the house. It’s my favorite place,” I said softly, and then I walked outside to the car.

      The weather had turned. I told myself as the young couple and their son took possession of Kellynch that I was glad to be returning to Bel Air, but it wasn’t true.  

Truly (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Twelve: "Borrowed and Blue"

Chapter Twelve

Borrowed and Blue

Something old brings something new… Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

     Reeling, I spent that evening looking after Melissa’s twins. Helping others is good therapy. Besides, I couldn’t get out of it. When Melissa arrived home at midnight, she started complaining and hardly bothered to thank me as usual. I’ll admit, I couldn’t wait to get away from her. The babies had barely stopped crying for hours and I was exhausted. They had settled finally just before my sister returned.

     “Aren’t you going to stay and have some tea with me?” She asked innocently.

     “I have to go home,” I said. “Dad and Liz are expecting me for breakfast.” Another lie.

     It was not the longest drive from Venice Beach to Bel Air and there was very little traffic at midnight. Once again, the journey gave me time to think. I always did my best thinking on the road. I thought back to how Ben and I had parted - badly.

     “Are you sure this is what you want?”

    “Yes, no, I mean, I have to take notice of my family. They only want what’s best for both of us.”

     The voices became less distant, a remembered conversation, that last time I’d seen Ben.

    “I don’t understand, he said. I mean, I get it. You’re refusing my offer. We’ve been through a lot. You lost your best friend but don’t you think we deserve to be happy? Jenny would have wanted you to be happy.”  

    “I only think we should wait.”

    “But why wait?  You know I love you, you love me.”

    “I can’t go against my family’s wishes. My father has asked me to wait until I finish college. He thinks Missy made a mistake and doesn’t believe in rushed marriages. It’s hard… to go against him. He raised me.”

    “You mean, it would make life difficult if you don’t do what he wants? What sort of father is he if he doesn’t want you to be happy?”

    “He does, he just wants me to wait. And my Godmother agrees and so do my sisters.”

    “Your sisters are jealous. As for your father, maybe he’s right? Maybe we should wait until I have...more money, better connections – isn’t that what he means?”

    “I…I don’t know, I mean...”

    “Isn’t that what you mean?”

    “No. Of course not. You’re putting words into my mouth.”

    “Oh, I know how this works. They make it hard for us, make us wait for a few years by which time you’ve finished college at which point a line of rich, inbred males with familiar surnames are paraded around before you so you can choose the right husband – one your father approves of.”

    “That’s not it at all, you know there will never be anyone but you… we might only be young but you are the love of my life, Ben.” 

    “I wish I could say the same but you are so easily…”

    “What?”

    “Persuaded.  You don’t seem to know your own mind.  Perhaps it’s better if we take this time apart while I go to college and you finish school and make it permanent...”

     “What? What? No! I love you, I told you I just want to wait for you...”

     As he turned from me he walked down the hallway and out into the brightness of day. I had the strangest feeling it would be a long time before I saw his face again.

TRULY (inspired by Jane Austen's Persuasion) chapter thirteen: "Domestic chaos"

Chapter Thirteen

Domestic Chaos

A castle in Bel Air full of hopes, dreams and financial scandal…  Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

    By dinner time my Father was seated in his study, overlooking the infinity pool. From his floor length windows we had an entire view of the sweep of Los Angeles, hills in the distance, lights twinkling in the dark. It was an amazing sight, even welcome, I had to admit.

    “A fighter pilot, did you say, Liz?”

    “Not yet, Dad. He just graduated as an officer in the Air Force. He doesn’t have his wings yet, but he will. His sister’s family are renting the place.”

    “His sister? How thoughtful. Of course, it all sounds good but being a pilot is one of the more dangerous occupations in the world.”

    “Actually Dad,” Liz added as if I wasn’t in the room, “plane travel is safer than car.”

    My father shrugged as if to say he didn’t think so.   

    “Apparently his sister’s husband is working in LA over the summer. Her show is on hiatus and with a small child and a baby on the way, he wanted to do something vacation wise with the family for the summer. Apparently money is no object as he didn’t hesitate over the deposit…”

   I listened to them talk on until it finally dawned on me after further questioning, that they were barely aware of my presence as I sat on the couch reading a magazine.

   My father prided himself on his former career as a litigator until he became so rich from inheritances and investments that he’d given up practising but was busily reading the newspaper on the internet to keep abreast of all his old associates and their various crimes and cases. I’d woken for breakfast and was hovering in the hallway as Melissa arrived, depositing a baby in my arms.

    “I’ve decided to come over for breakfast. Fred is at home with the other one. We had an argument.”

    “Oh,” I said.

    “Missy?” Dad asked gruffly, looking up from above his glasses.

    “Hi Dad.”

    “Liz and I are so happy you’ve come to stay,” he said unsmilingly. “All my daughters are here for breakfast. What a treat,” he added.

    It didn’t take him long before he criticized me.

   “Jane? You’re looking pale and withdrawn. Haven’t you been getting enough sun?”

   “I’ve been teaching and not at the beach dad,” I said with exasperation.

   He could barely hide his distain.

   “Ah, yes, teaching. When are you going to give me some more grandchildren? Elizabeth is simply devoted to her career, but you, Jane, I once had high hopes for you. Teaching is fine but Wentworths marry well or become lawyers, although the two are not mutually exclusive.”

   “Yes, dad,” I said absently. I was barely listening as I poured my coffee but I knew agreeing was the easiest option. 

    Dad barely listened to me as usual but since we were both older now he paid me lip service. By “marrying well” my father meant marrying not just money but connections. I was fed up with his pathetic snobbery and wondered why I endured the weekly torture of family dinners. I had no choice now I was under his roof again as I had no savings of my own.  I was beginning to consider my Godmother’s offer of a loan. How else would I make my escape?

    “Are you seeing anyone, Jane?” Melissa asked as she looked up from her fashion magazine whilst the new nanny took care of her baby. Melissa was dressed in designer clothes. Fred was on his team building exercise that weekend but Liz had confided to me, that he and Melissa were having “trouble.”

    So, here we were: this highly dysfunctional co-dependant family, attempting to “communicate.” 

    I know, everyone deserves better, but they were mine. And I was theirs. It always bothered me deep down that I knew it was not possible to love and love weakly. That kind of love was not love, just need. I fulfilled some need in my sisters as they did me. As for my father, well, he was just plain difficult. Yet I grew up in a cocoon and was assured my parents and sisters were devoted to the family unit. Perhaps that was true, and there was love and loyalty, of a sort.

     I had no influence in my own family. Having neither a suitable career – meaning, highly paid and prestigious – nor a suitable husband (meaning the same), meant my views were meaningless. In my family, love without money didn’t rate. Some family, I know. Terrible value system, I know that also. Yet, they were mine. Even though we all sat in separate parts of the kitchen to eat breakfast (Dad was at the head of the table reading the newspaper), we shared a kind of love. If it’s possible to love and love weakly, or maybe it was just familiarity mixed with loyalty. Yes, that’s what my family were. They bickered and criticized in private, but publicly, we stood up for each other – mostly. 

    “Oh, Jane,” Melissa said as she ate some toast, “put something decent on, you can go and choose anything you like from Elizabeth’s closet; I’m sure she won’t mind.”

    “In a moment, Melissa.” I changed the subject, “I’ve gone over the accounts Dad,” I said mildly.

    “That wasn’t necessary, Jane. Melissa already did it,” he said as he turned to the legal section of his paper.

    “Melissa’s accountancy skills are one of the reasons we are in this mess…”

    “There’s no need to place blame, dear, we are all in this together….”

     Melissa ignored our conversation and looked up from her toast again to ask, “Haven’t you changed your clothes yet, Jane? I wish you’d stop boring us all with constant talk of money.” 

     I cleared my throat and continued, “… as I was saying, if everyone tightens up a bit with their spending we mightn’t have to sell the Bel Air house.”

    My father grunted as he spoke, “Jane, there is no way I’m selling this place. I haven’t even contemplated it. I’d sell your car before I’d do that.”

   “Dad, you can’t do that.”

   “Why not?”

   “It’s a rental.”   

   “Oh,” he replied unapologetically. “Well, never mind, you’ll be able to buy one soon.”

    I shook my head as I finished my coffee and walked upstairs to do as I was told. I was searching through Liz’s closet when I heard the gate from next door swing open and noticed Eleanor walking along the path that connected our houses. I’d forgotten Eleanor had been invited for brunch. 

     My Godmother lived in the vast estate that bordered ours and had decided to bring over a homemade dessert as a welcome gift for me. Even though Eleanor had been alone since her husband left, she had already remarried (and divorced again) and had no romantic inclinations towards my father whatsoever. She had a huge business fortune and a clothing line to oversee and those interests kept her busy. The fact that she and my father had never dated (nor ever would, as they were cousins), made their alliance even stronger. Basically, Eleanor had so much money from her first husband that she didn’t ever envisage sharing it again with a new husband.

    By the time Eleanor arrived at our door, I’d seen the news on my cell phone, an attachment about Ben that Keira had sent me. I’d run upstairs to read it, although Melissa was relieved I was seeking “a change of clothing.”

     I kicked my shoes off and flung myself on Elizabeth’s bed to hide from my family and finish reading the article.

     I couldn’t express how I felt as I read the words, returning home town hero. Apparently, Ben had invented some kind of computer programme that could change the world of aviation. Some huge software company had bought it. This meant Ben wouldn’t ever have to work again. I knew he’d never choose to take the easy path though. He’d always dreamed of being in the Air Force.  

     I flung my cell on the floor and myself on my sister’s bed. Minutes later I heard a voice.

     “Jane, what is it?” Eleanor asked.

TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) chapter fourteen: "More Advice"

Chapter Fourteen

More Advice

There was something about my Godmother. Though she could be snobbish, she’d always believed in me, always been a friend to me. My Godmother thought I was worth the very best. Suddenly, I was having some issues with the bad advice I’d received years ago even though it had originated from the desire to do good… Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

      Eleanor was standing at the foot of Elizabeth’s bed, just as she used to do when I came home from school to an empty house after my Mom had gone to the East Coast.  

     “It’s the new tenants at the Beach House. I’m worried.”

     “Oh, I’m sure the house is in good hands, Jane. You’ll be able to have it back some day. You know I offered to give your father some money but he refuses to take it. I’m offering you the same, Jane. I would never see you want for anything. It could be a loan, but I’d rather it be a gift.”

     I dried my eyes.

    “Thank you Eleanor, I know. But we could never accept it. My father got us into this and I’m trying to get us out. On paper, we’ve lost almost everything … except this… mansion. We’re in so much debt. I’ve been going over the family accounts with our financial advisors. My sisters and father are about to get a wake-up call especially in relation to their unlimited credit cards.” 

    Eleanor paused a moment.

    “But that’s not why you are crying, is it, Jane?”

    I shook my head. Eleanor knew me far too well.

    “No,” I said.

    “Why are you upset, dear?”

    “The new tenant of Kellynch is Ben Wentworth’s sister.” 

     “The Ben Wentworth? The boy you were almost engaged to?”

     “Yes… the one I was advised not to marry…”

     “Oh Jane, you can’t blame your father for this…”

     “If I remember correctly, he had some backing from you and Liz.”

     “Jane, as your Godmother, being here for you whilst your mother was absent, I would not have been doing my job if I hadn’t advised you to break off that relationship…”

     “As I recall, both you and dad didn’t think he was good enough for me to hang with, let alone marry and… you were both so wrong.” 

     Tears were welling up in my eyes again by then. Though I didn’t want to hurt Eleanor it was obvious I’d carried these emotions for a long time. I was ready to burst at the seams. Since I rarely displayed my feelings or any anger towards my family, Eleanor looked shocked.

    “Oh Jane … in case you hadn’t noticed people who join the military are sent to war. He wanted to be a fighter pilot, if I recall correctly. The fact that he’s invented some computer programme, that’s just a fluke. I believed, I thought, you were not of the personality that could cope with waiting and hoping that a boy would show up for you again after months or years of active duty… His now being wealthy – well, that is just money and lack of it was never the problem from my perspective. I’m so sorry if you misread me.”

    “I would have waited. He graduated as an officer in the Air Force. He starts pilot training after summer. It’s all he’s ever wanted to be. He did everything he said he would do. And look,” I pointed to the newspaper; “he has thrived and survived and graduated top of his class at the academy. Meanwhile I’ve grown pale and washed up and… unwanted.”

    “Oh Jane, that’s not true. You are still as understated and beautiful as you ever were. Sure, you don’t appear in fashion magazines like your sister, but outer beauty fades and is nothing to envy. You are only young. Don’t be silly. Besides, did he ever write? Did he even call you?”

    “No,” I said, “but we did not part… well.” I added, embarrassed to be making something out of what was clearly, nothing.

    “Then how much could this teenage passion have actually meant to him? To encourage you to become engaged to a boy who was going away to train for years in a job where he may see active duty would have been wrong. You would have been throwing yourself away, waiting for him to return…”

    “But I waited for him to return anyway, and now he is here and he’s perfect and… both you and dad said he’d never amount to anything.”

    “But that is surely not the reason you rejected him…”

    “I allowed myself to be persuaded and ever since I made that decision, I have lived to regret it. I have never met any man his equal. It’s true I pushed and he… left but I didn’t think my hesitation would be irrevocable. I didn’t realize he would turn away from me so suddenly and cut off all contact.”

     Eleanor handed me a tissue. I wiped my tears again and sniffed.

     “Anyway, he’s probably married now or engaged. They mostly marry young in his family, also in this family,” I rolled my eyes. “They marry young in the armed forces too and any sane girl would be proud to be an officer’s wife.”

     “Oh Jane, you are the most level-headed girl I know.”

      My Godmother was trying to make me feel better. It was almost working. The feeling of sadness and regret had seeped into my bones. It had nothing to do with Ben’s job, but his success in his chosen career just proved how wrong the people who supposedly loved me were.

     How could I tell Eleanor about my current existence; that when I went to check my new schedule at The Beach Shack, I’d overheard the former Socials (who still met up every week and were now married mothers), gossiping about me.

     “Oh, you know Jane Elliot was once part of our group. She used to hang with that hot pilot guy in the newspaper, Ben Wentworth. Jane was once a cheerleader and her sister was the head of the Socials that year… remember?

   “Oh yeah, I remember. She let him slip through her fingers, though.”

   “I heard he dumped her for someone better looking.”

   “Or was that Serena?” 

   “Yes, Serena Collins. You know, she works as an International Flight Attendant, Who would have thought? She had zero ambition at school, still, waitress in the sky, whatever.

    Anyway, poor Jane, now she has no boyfriend, no prospects and she works in childcare when she’s not waitressing, while we go out for manicures and facials,” Someone sniggered.

     I pretended I couldn’t hear them as I waited casually for my latte but the whole point of their conversation was that I could.

     I turned around as I waited and one of them waved at me.

     I picked up my latte and left.

     That was just my recent humiliation.

     My Godmother had been sitting in silence as I relayed the story. 

    “Well, Jane, those people are small minded and you can always come work with me, you wouldn’t even have to see them.”

     “That’s not the point, Eleanor. I like where I work but if that is what those people, my old school friends, are saying about me, imagine what Ben would think.”

      “I’m not sure, Jane, but I know men aren’t as interested in marital status as women,” Eleanor couldn’t resist this quip. My Godmother picked up my cell and skimmed the headlines as I sat up and smoothed my clothes.

     “I hear you, Eleanor, but he was perfect,” was all I could say.

     Eleanor was silent for a moment. When tears welled up in my eyes again, Eleanor hugged me.

    “Oh Jane, no one is perfect.”

    “He was perfect for me. I know that now,” I sobbed.

     “Oh Jane,” my Godmother tried to console me. “You know of all of your sisters you are the one with the gentle heart and the sweet disposition… and so intelligent and pretty on the outside as well. I just know the perfect man is out there for you.”

    “Yes and his name is Ben.”

    “Jane, in this day and age, you just have to get back out there.”

    At this point, my pale, unsmiling face mocked me from the mirror on the dressing table.

    “I’ve been out there,” I said. “And the real world of dating - it kind of sucks…”

    “You just haven’t met the right man, Jane.”

     By then I’d turned off. I knew my Godmother loved me as I loved her, but I didn’t want to hear another cliché uttered from her lips. I knew she was trying to be helpful. Just like she’d once tried to be helpful before. Now, all I wanted was silence and no reason to ever see Ben again. In a large city like Los Angeles that was highly possible. Wentworth, however, was a tiny seaside town, and it was less likely. Besides, I’d promised Sarah I’d attend the beach bonfire.

    “Jane, cheer up. Guess what? I brought an apple pie. Martha made it.” Eleanor said, luring me to the kitchen with her smile. “You’ve become so thin, Jane, we need to fatten you up.”

    Martha was Eleanor’s housekeeper. If Martha made it, I knew I should have a reason to put a smile on my face, so I did. I knew I was way too old to be feeling sorry for myself or the past. But I wondered. If hesitating in relation to Ben, rejecting him for all intents and purposes, hadn’t been a mistake, wouldn’t someone else have come into my life by now?

      I washed up in the downstairs bathroom and put on some lipstick at Eleanor’s urging. I felt like a little girl again in my father’s house, trying desperately and perhaps hopelessly to impress. It was time for me to stand on my own two feet. Perhaps the financial crisis wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to my family. I dared not say it out loud, but I didn’t get much chance, in any case. Elizabeth and my father gossiped about all the social columns and how they “wouldn’t be seen with so and so for love nor money.” And on and on they went. Work was as good as any excuse, to leave. I grabbed my car keys, said goodbye to everyone and closed the door behind me as I left my father’s house. 

TRULY by Summer Day (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Fifteen: "Tall, Handsome, not a stranger"

Chapter Fifteen

Tall, Handsome, not a Stranger

I knew it was ridiculous, but I persisted in thinking about him. I thought of him on my way to The Beach Shack. I thought of him standing behind the counter. The thought of attending the bonfire party I’d been invited to with my family made my stomach churn. I kept re-reading the newspaper article and wondering, as I worked the morning shift serving coffee, if he’d changed…  Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

    My cousin, Keira, had been trying to be an AMW (Actress, Model, Whatever) for about six years now. Keira assured me she was going to do an internet search on Ben after she’d refined her own dating profile.

    Pls don’t, I texted from behind the counter after I’d started to unwrap one of the fortune cookies on a glass jar on the counter. Do not need any more info!

     I glanced at the cookie message: Invitations to socialize are sure to be fun. Accept them! Wow, that’s original, I thought.

     My cell buzzed with Keira’s text, Guess what – he’s not married.

    I know. He has a girlfriend - went to school with her.

    Friend or foe?

    Foe.  I checked.

    Oh, was all I texted, though inside I was elated that he wasn’t married. Of course, if you truly love someone, you are supposed to be happy for their happiness. It doesn’t really work that way though.

      I wiped the counter bench and took in the amazing view of the beach.

      I couldn’t believe how differently I now felt, in comparison to the way I’d been persuaded to feel when I was younger. Now, I’d never listen to anyone. I’d follow my heart without question. My Godmother was right about one thing, though. I needed to get over it. Start hanging with someone else. Start dating again.

     I’d read somewhere that a writer has two choices: to obtain the perfection of a story or the perfection of a life. Neither was possible, of course, but obviously I’d chosen the former, since my life was clearly lacking in love, social connections and job satisfaction, according to everyone else. Besides, I wrote in my blog and I’m not sure I’d define myself as ‘a writer’ because of that. I wasn’t happy, it’s true, but happiness was a choice and I resolved myself to a kind of contentment. Combining working and blogging would not be a wasted summer.

   Working at The Beach Shack was almost as good as summering in Wentworth; and summering in Wentworth was almost as good as living here. Far from the hustle and smog of Los Angeles, the small community had become my own over the commute of recent years.

   Mornings at the café went quickly; there were all the usual joggers and housewives with children and pets. We had a lovely little porch outside where the animals were served treats. This pleased the owners almost as much as the pets. Sometimes parents I knew from school would come in. My students mostly said “hi” and looked excited to see me. Occasionally, they brought me cute little drawings they’d done that I could post on the wall behind the counter dedicated to “Miss Elliot.” These children were also staying here for their summer vacation.  We had that in common, for sure. Other people, like the girls I’d gone to school with, came and went with their families. I did my best to tune out when they smiled to my face and made casually cruel remarks behind my back.

   The former Socials from my junior year, were the only people I wasn’t particularly happy to see. They’d all married young, like Melissa, and moved to Wentworth with their husbands. Their husbands generally worked in Los Angeles during the week which left these ‘ladies’ to lunch together (generally at The Beach Shack – just my luck.)

    On Monday morning, after a hectic weekend, they’d come in for their mother’s meeting and to make pointed comments within earshot of me about “women who’d been left on the shelf.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I knew for a fact that at least two of the women who pitied unmarried “college drop outs” (like me), had husbands who were being investigated for financial crime and spousal abuse. The husbands of two of the other women regularly came into the café with their girlfriends in the evening when they knew their wives were at home.  

     Most women stayed in abusive relationships for the love of their children or money, or to “keep the family unit together;” but I had to wonder at the hypocrisy that surrounded my peers.  What had happened to their dreams? I knew women were now being encouraged to get their men to “put a ring on it” earlier but the pressure to be part of a couple at any price was verging on ridiculous.  There seemed to be no dignity in being alone in the eyes of the selfish people I met, yet I wondered how much self-respect people like Dana (ex-Social and former friend of Serena’s until Serena stole her twelfth grade boyfriend) really had. Dana’s husband regularly appeared in the Wentworth gossip columns on the arms of other women.

    It was mid-morning and after serving three breakfasts, I was revising a new blog post behind the counter when I looked up to hear my name being called.

   “Jane! Jane!”

    My younger cousins, Lia and Hailee, who were both in their first year at Fashion College, were dressed to the nines in head-to-toe designer clothing. It’s true that they were trust fund bunnies but they also had good value systems and very sensible parents and it was impossible to resent them.

     “Jane, when do you have your break?”

     “Soon.”

     Lia and Hailee both stood in the morning sun looking like they’d just returned from a week in Hawaii (they had). I was used to them interrupting my work days, and glad of it since they were both fun. At eighteen and nineteen, they had none of my hesitation towards the adult human race in general.

    “Oh Jane,” Lia said in a loud voice. So loud in fact that the entire ex-Social mother’s group looked up. “We’ve just been walking Georgie along the beach – he’s outside…” Georgie was their Rottweiler, the opposite of his breed’s reputation, a fierce protector but also a kitty cat with the ladies. His greatest trick was carrying   tennis balls in his mouth – or trying to.   

    “I’ll get him a drink,” Hailee interrupted.

    “Anyway, we practically ran into the guy on the front page of the paper this morning. Ben Wentworth… He’s really hot,” Lia added.

     “It says he went to Hallowed Halls School so we figure you must know him…”

      At this point the mothers’ group swung around in their chairs almost simultaneously. I was pretty sure Dana hadn’t forgotten, but I didn’t want to make a big thing of it.

    “Sure.”

    “Oh, Jane you never told us that.”

    “I knew him way back, you were both still in grade school...We were friends, it was nothing.”

    “Well, he’s staying at the beach house. We saw him out walking with his nephew this morning, along the beach. We got talking and told him about this place so you should expect him to come by.”

     My cheeks went red. I was ashamed that I’d even considered the prospect that after all these years a connection still existed. I even seemed pathetic to myself.

    “He’s not married,” Hailee added mischievously.*

    “Certainly a step up from high school boys,” Lia added enthusiastically.

    “And you know how cute he is,” Hailee added as she came back to sit in front of the counter.

     It was obvious my efforts to avoid him were going to be in vain.  He seemed to be staying in Wentworth and according to Lia, who knew everything about our small community, was now a minor celebrity.

   “Anyway, I got talking to his sister at the store and she mentioned that she’d invited us, the whole family, including you, Jane, to her bonfire party tonight. Apparently the decorations and catering are going to be quite extravagant because it’s also a party to celebrate her brother’s graduation from Officer Training School.”

    At this point, Tom Winchester entered the coffee shop. He looked like he’d been out for an early morning swim. He also looked hungry.

    “I gotta go,” I whispered to Hailee, reminded of the fortune cookie.

TRULY by Summer Day (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Sixteen: "Man in the cafe"

Chapter Sixteen

Man in the Café

I picked up another fortune cookie from the pile in a bowl on the countertop. This is what it said: A tall handsome newcomer with links to the past is a sure thing. I’d earmarked Tom Winchester for Liz and had resolved to play matchmaker. They shared the same good looks, the same questionable values - they were, without a doubt, a perfect match… Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

     After they left the room I went over to the new guy only to see up close, that it was Tom Winchester, who’d briefly dated Liz at school and still held a torch for her if his occasional emails and conversations with me were anything to go by.

    “Good morning, Tom,” I said in my happy waitress way.

    He looked up at me and smiled. His looks had improved along with his personality over the years.

    “Hi Jane,” he replied, “I’d like coffee please and… an egg-white omelette, oh and maybe you could tell me the rules on how to get your sister Liz to become exclusive.”

    Obnoxious. Whatever.

    When I took him over his plate, he explained he was helping a friend, a director at one of the studios, who was scouting for locations nearby. He asked me about the properties that dotted the coast. His friend needed to hire one, if possible, to shoot some location scenes.  

  “As you know, I grew up here,” I said. “And this promenade is the best stretch of real estate in the area,” I said wistfully. I had a sneaking suspicion he hadn’t heard about the family finances. 

   “I have no idea why you work here, Jane. I’m sure your dad could have found you somewhere better. By the way, do you think Liz would know any good real estate agents in the area?”

   “Well… actually, Liz finds properties for friends…”

   He looked at me closely.

   “Do you think I would qualify?” Tom had been in New York working as a stockbroker. I knew this because he’d always stayed in touch with both Liz and me. He’d told me on more than one occasion he was “so into” my sister. Too much information, Tom, but he wouldn’t stop talking about her until I’d agreed to help them get together.

     It was obvious how much he liked her.

   “Okay,” he replied. “Please ask Liz to call my office since I’ve tried to get her card before and she wouldn’t give it to me.”

    I was kind of floored. 

    “Uh… okay,” I smiled.

    “Actually, Jane, I was hoping you’d help play matchmaker.”

    “I said I would and I meant it, Tom. You and Liz are made for each other.”

     He smiled. I wanted to add… that’s if you like vipers, ‘cos I was pretty sure Liz had had Tom’s measure since high school. But then Liz always said, “Like attracts like.”

     Me? I’d always had this rule not to chase boys but it seemed all the social laws had changed in my absence from the dating game. I smiled and pocketed his card. I had an idea a surface friendship with Tom might actually prove useful in some way. He wasn’t my type but let’s face it, his obsession with finance would make him perfect for Liz and she could show him as many properties as he wanted.

     I heard my cousins tittering as they came out of the bathroom where they’d changed from swimsuits into street clothes.

      As I showed my cousins the door and promised to meet them for lunch and to go to the bonfire party (I couldn’t believe I was considering this but it was better than putting off the inevitable), they too left an invitation for me on the counter and added smiley faces.

   “Look at all the new talent in town this summer,” Lia whispered.

   I looked at her and paused.

   “He’s interested in Liz.”

   “Did he go to the same high school as you and Ben Wentworth?”

   “Hailee, you gotta stop mentioning Ben. I haven’t seen him in six years. It is highly unlikely he even remembers me, but, yes, Tom did go to the same high school; and you’re right, I can’t spend my life avoiding Ben. He’s on my turf now.”

   “Oh, Jane, everyone remembers you… you’re special.”

   I shrugged. Today I felt plain, bland and not very special. It was moments like this with my adorable cousins that were gold, and kept me in Wentworth where I belonged.

   “Lia’s right,” Hailee added, “You are especially smart and very pretty… and kind inside which is the most important thing of all. See you at eight tonight, Jane.”

    “Okay.”

    I smiled at my younger cousins. I’d spent years babysitting them and our bond was close and true. They waved girlishly as they left the café and I wondered if I’d ever feel as light and happy as them again. Probably not, but then maybe I wasn’t meant to. Maybe I’d grown up, a lot.