Chapter Twelve
Borrowed and Blue
Something
old brings something new… Confessions
of a Post-teenage
Hermit
Reeling, I spent that evening looking after
Melissa’s twins. Helping others is good therapy. Besides, I couldn’t get out of
it. When Melissa arrived home at midnight, she started complaining and hardly
bothered to thank me as usual. I’ll admit, I couldn’t wait to get away from
her. The babies had barely stopped crying for hours and I was exhausted. They
had settled finally just before my sister returned.
“Aren’t you going to stay and have some
tea with me?” She asked innocently.
“I have to go home,” I said. “Dad and Liz
are expecting me for breakfast.” Another lie.
It was not the longest drive from Venice
Beach to Bel Air and there was very little traffic at midnight. Once again, the
journey gave me time to think. I always did my best thinking on the road. I
thought back to how Ben and I had parted - badly.
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes,
no, I mean, I have to take notice of my family. They only want what’s best for
both of us.”
The voices became less distant, a
remembered conversation, that last time I’d seen Ben.
“I
don’t understand, he said. I mean, I get it. You’re refusing my offer. We’ve
been through a lot. You lost your best friend but don’t you think we deserve to
be happy? Jenny would have wanted you to be happy.”
“I only think we should wait.”
“But why wait? You know I love you, you love me.”
“I can’t go against my family’s wishes. My
father has asked me to wait until I finish college. He thinks Missy made a
mistake and doesn’t believe in rushed marriages. It’s hard… to go against him.
He raised me.”
“You mean, it would make life difficult if
you don’t do what he wants? What sort of father is he if he doesn’t want you to
be happy?”
“He does, he just wants me to wait. And my
Godmother agrees and so do my sisters.”
“Your
sisters are jealous. As for your father, maybe he’s right? Maybe we should wait
until I have...more money, better connections – isn’t that what he means?”
“I…I don’t know, I mean...”
“Isn’t that what you mean?”
“No. Of course not. You’re putting words
into my mouth.”
“Oh, I know how this works. They make it
hard for us, make us wait for a few years by which time you’ve finished college
at which point a line of rich, inbred males with familiar surnames are paraded
around before you so you can choose the right husband – one your father
approves of.”
“That’s not it at all, you know there will
never be anyone but you… we might only be young but you are the love of my
life, Ben.”
“I wish I could say the same but you are so
easily…”
“What?”
“Persuaded.
You don’t seem to know your own mind.
Perhaps it’s better if we take this time apart while I go to college and
you finish school and make it permanent...”
“What? What? No! I love you, I told you I
just want to wait for you...”
As he turned from me he walked down the
hallway and out into the brightness of day. I had the strangest feeling it
would be a long time before I saw his face again.
