TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Twenty-three: "School Days Again"

Chapter Twenty-three

School Days Again

Wentworth Elementary was bustling with stay-at-home students and adults. It had the atmosphere of a theme park – fun with rules… Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit   

     I’d brushed my hair until it shone in the car mirror and exchanged my flats for heels. Looking my best was a priority, since I was giving a speech to the parents on creativity in the classroom, but I could never drive in heels. I unwound my lipstick and put it on in the rear view mirror. For once I was glad my sister had insisted on stuffing make-up in my purse, “just in case.” I know my sister wanted me to meet a new guy, and I had to agree that would probably be best. I certainly wouldn’t meet one here, but it was good practise to start looking my best in any situation. Besides, my students deserved me to look the part. It was about setting an example, making the best of myself, according to Melissa. My sisters and Godmother had been influential but it was time to start counting on myself.  

    Although I don’t think I’d ever fulfilled the “promise of being a great beauty” I was satisfied I looked presentable.  I once overheard my father agree with my sister Melissa when she shook her head and said, “if only Jane had a bit more… designer style. I mean, the clothes she makes are lovely, but I only ever see her in jeans…”

   “Yes,” my father nodded at her, actually nodded.

    Here, on my turf, I was my own person with my own style.

    It was only as an adult, after I’d lost Ben that I’d realized I was surrounded by a family of hornets in the nest of a Bel Air mansion. Why had it taken me until then? It wasn’t as if my mom hadn’t run a mile. But then, she had not set the greatest example either, although from visits over the years, I knew she loved me and vice versa. Perhaps I should have gone to stay with her but she had long since remarried and had a whole new family and although we stayed in touch we hardly shared secrets. It was time to embrace the future. It had been, for a while.

    I walked past the student murals in the hallway to my color coded classroom. The children were getting their faces painted for the play. I put on an apron and helped out. There were twelve students and their parents or guardians scheduled to arrive and be part of the audience which was often made up of the kids in my class who didn’t stay away all summer. They liked familiarity. I was talking to them alongside the teacher, a kind, older woman named Sophia Hawthorne.

     George arrived with his mother, who looked harassed. He had brought extra face paints with him. Most of these parents were incredibly hard working and thankful for the extra effort taken with their children. It was truly a privilege to work with Special Needs students. I’m sure they taught me more than I ever taught them. They taught me to enjoy the small pleasures, to place no value on class or status or money. Like Toby, for example, who took great care searching the pictures and paintings for things I’d never notice, like intense colour and light; he’d present his pictures to me like they were Picassos!

    My students taught me it was no effort to take extra care because every child is special and capable of more. By the time I’d fielded a last minute call from Toby’s mom (who told me her child couldn’t come as he was “completely wired” after “attacking” and “eating” a packet of chocolate cookies his older brother had left open  in the Lounge room - Toby was allergic to sugar), it was almost time to start getting the students ready.

    Sophia made us some tea after the children were taken backstage and readied to perform with their music teacher (not before one of them had knocked a bucket of water over on the floor as they left). I couldn’t believe the janitor had left it there but I guess he had his reasons. 

     I was in the process of cleaning up the puddle with paper towels and real towels when I looked up to see Ben’s nephew standing in the doorway

    “Hi Jane…” he said.

    “Hi,” Ben said, standing behind him, filling the doorway with his baritone voice.

    “Hi,” I replied.

    “My sister was called into the studios and I don’t have to be in Texas for another few days so I thought I’d come. I was told it was two in the afternoon. We still have twenty minutes.”

    “Oh. Yeah. Texas?”

     “Pilot training.”

     “Oh,” I said.

     “My sister had a meeting with her agent and Sam’s father had to work so we thought we’d come together.”

     Sam beamed up at his uncle.

     “Great,” I said sarcastically.

     “Where’s Mrs Hawkins?”  The kid said.

     “Oh, she’s with our group, preparing them to go onstage. That’s where I should be going, right about now.” I got up off the floor and brushed off my skirt.

    “Before we go, my sister wants to know… about Sam’s reading progress.”

     I glanced at the chart.

    “Well, he’s on level eight which is great for a pre-schooler. Amazing.” I looked at Sam. “It means you can choose anything on the red shelf and just bring it back when school starts again in September.”

    Sam smiled and ran off to the library corner to start choosing his vacation reading.

    Meanwhile, Ben and I stood there; hovering at the classroom entrance until Sam dragged Ben into the color coded area and pulled him onto the beanbag.

    “Oh, um, we have a chair and desk,” I smiled.

     “That’s okay, I like it here.”

      I hesitated. “Well, my group is performing soon so…” Ben got up.

      There was more silence in the room from the moment Sam chose some holiday reading. Sophia arrived and ushered him with her.

     “I’m coming… We’re coming in a moment.”

     “Okay,” she smiled at Ben.

     I didn’t know which way to look or what to say so I just stood there, and gathered my bag when Ben cleared his throat.

    “How’s Keira?”

    “She’s fine.”

    “How’s Harley?”

    “Not so good.”

    I looked up, betraying an expression of concern.

    “He… never really got over Jenny and I’m kind of worried about him.”

    “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

    “That’s another reason we decided to take the summer and hang out here, as a family. This is the place we were happiest.” He paused and continued to discuss his brother, “He never really moved on from what happened.”

    I was open-mouthed.

   “That’s so… sad.” I added. “I think about her all the time too, but I know it’s different for him.” I said softly. Then I paused again before I spoke, “And yet, Harley is still young and I know Jenny would have wanted him to be happy.”

    “First love and all that,” he looked away. “I don’t know if people totally get over something like that…”

    “No…” I ventured slowly, “… but Harley is still young and surely, he will meet someone else.”

     Ben paused for a moment before answering.

    “Perhaps, but he is very loyal, a quality I most admire in a person.” 

    Well, that was setting me straight. I looked at him squarely. It was way too obvious he was not just talking to me, but about me. I was speechless once again as Sophia Hawthorne gracefully returned to her classroom, popped her head in the door and I stood up.

    “Are you coming Jane? They’re almost ready.”

    “Yes,” I assured her.   

    Ben flashed Sophia a smile. He was very charming when he wanted to be.

    As I went to leave he touched my arm.

    “Jane, I wanted to ask you something. We’re going to dinner tonight after we hear Keira sing at the café and you… and your cousin are welcome to join us. Some place called the Mermaid Hut. Please come, we’re arriving at eight. Lia is coming as well.”

    I knew it. If he wanted to see my cousins again, all he had to do was ask. Didn’t he think that encroaching on my territory was enough humiliation for one night?

    “Um… I’m already going. Keira is singing, so, well, I guess I’ll see you there.”

    Then I remembered it was his birthday. I couldn’t think of an excuse to say no.

    “We’re going to drown our sorrows after dinner...”

    Our sorrows? I wondered what he meant by that.  

    “Well, I don’t really drink but…”

    “Maybe we could talk?”

    Silence sat between us for seconds.

    I looked up at Ben. “Sure, see you then,” I said, as I walked out the door.

TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Twenty-four: "Mermaids and Margaritas"

Chapter Twenty-four 

Mermaids and Margaritas

My glamorous cousin was ready to rock and roll, glitter on her eyes, preparing to impress the world, or at least the audience… Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit 

    I arrived at Keira’s place at six that evening. The performance at the school had been memorable but I didn’t stay to talk with Ben after. Enough was enough.

    Keira was warming up her voice, working on her scales when I opened the door.

    “I got it!” Keira said.

    “What did you get?”

     “The new commercial for, wait for it - Caramel Crunchy breakfast cereal! Things are looking up. I auditioned last week. It’s a speaking part! I get to play the older sister and the manager said I can have a spot every Friday night singing at the Mermaid Hut if tonight goes okay!”

      “That’s great, Keira,” I replied.

      “And the best thing is, there is a top record producer scheduled to come and see me next Friday. So, I texted Lia and Hailee and they’re coming too. I also texted Ben and Harley, I hope you don’t mind.”

     ‘Of course not. That’s great.” I said. “Wow.”

     Keira continued, “I think I actually get treated with more respect working as a singer than I ever did working as a personal shopper. But I don’t mind managing the café and let’s face it, commercials are pretty lucrative…”

     In a way, I was in awe of her enthusiasm.

    “Now, I still have a ‘virtual shopper’ client on call. It’s his wedding anniversary tonight; so, if I have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom, do not be alarmed. I promised he could run the seating plan by me. Honestly, it’s time I got out of the virtual shopping industry. The husbands get so needy. Soon they find it hard to do anything by themselves,” she giggled, “who knew this would become so lucrative: helping out the helpless husbands of Beverly Hills!”

     I laughed.

     Keira was like light relief compared with my own family. She’d been trying to run her own business and recently work had started to pick up. As Keira put it, “in this world, you have to create your own perfect job.”

   “Tell me all about it,” I said. “I’m thinking of finishing my degree, going to online fashion school…”

    “Well, I think that’s great. Just remember everything we’ve learned from being in minimum wage jobs, they don’t teach you in college!”

    Keira was funny and smart, and she had a point. A college education would not necessarily lead me to happiness. Happiness was earned in different ways for different people. And some people didn’t even appear to earn it.  

    ‘So, tell me about Ben being back in town?”

    “He brought Harley with him as you know, and I think they both like your sisters.”

    “Really?”

    “Well, unlike Ben, who clearly got over me a long time ago - and is paying some serious attention to Lia if you hadn’t noticed - Harley still hasn’t really moved on from the past.”

   “Pining is a bad thing… he needs to get over Jenny.” Keira knew the whole sad story.

   “Jenny’s gone, Keira. That’s a hard thing to get over.” 

   “Even so, she would have wanted her friends to lead extraordinary lives and by that, I don’t mean you have to be rich and famous. Just to be happy in the internet age is some kind of accomplishment. All we have around us is envy and people telling us from their websites we’re not good enough. You know I am so over those girls from school who only post the pictures that make them look so delusionally self-satisfied,” Keira said, dragging my hand.

    “I told you to stop looking at that old Social website…”

    “You should just read what the Princesses are up to…” Keira had gone to The High School For Young Ladies for a whole semester.

    “I have some idea…”

    “Anyway, we both have the wow factor, since there’s sure to be some hot guys tonight for you to meet,” Keira said as she checked her outfit in the hallway mirror. “Rock n’ roll,” she added as she turned down the music, and we shut the door behind us as we left.

    The Mermaid Hut was a club that had been opened only recently. It was a few streets back from the café and lit up the night with extra lights through the trees. There was an area where the lights were low but the music was also, another for serving coffee and soda to under-age customers and yet another where people could just talk. There was an area where local twenty-one year olds could dance until dawn. The stage was in the middle of the dining area; that’s where we headed.

    “Okay, so it’s a bit like ‘dinner theatre’ for twenty-one year olds, but it’s a start,” Keira said.

     I took a table on the side as Keira got ready.

     Tom Winchester arrived first. He wasn’t with Liz but he said she’d be arriving soon. Obviously, Keira had invited the whole family. For once, Melissa had opted to stay at home with her children. Tom bought me a drink which I gratefully accepted. Tom, it must be said, had improved with age and responsibility, and I smiled at him, happy to be in his company.

     I knew he was only being nice to me to impress Liz, but it was kind of endearing. We were pressed close together talking (the music was loud) when Ben arrived with Harley following close by. Ben looked at us and his face fell. Good, I thought, let him think Tom and I are having a moment (not likely).

     The music played.  Harley and a blonde vixen named Serena Collins along with her frenemy, Dana, arrived with a flourish. I was momentarily stunned.

     You have to be kidding, I thought. How could he? He knew I really disliked those two, even at school. Besides, Ben said Serena was in Singapore. I smiled tepidly at Tom as we waited for Liz and the intruders looked over.

     One partitioned section had tables with old-fashioned telephones linked to other tables, to connect. It was known as “fast dating.” A stranger called, you got to chat for a few minutes before a voice spoke over the line and asked if you both wanted to connect in real life. It was all kind of cute and funny, but it didn’t seem very funny tonight. I was glad Ben had seen me and Tom talking. He’d never know Tom was with Liz and I got to save what was left of my fragile self-esteem. 

    Meanwhile, Serena the flight attendant was looking tall, thin and glamorous. She had poker straightened her hair and wore the highest heels imaginable.

   I cringed inwardly. Would I stay and talk or run and hide? I stayed to hear Keira sing and I noticed Ben being monopolised by Serena until he took her arm and they went to a corner to chat. Why had they come? Keira was my cousin and I had every right to be here but I didn’t expect this.

   I wondered how much more I could take as I resolved to stay and face the music, literally. After Keira’s opening song finished, something truly frustrating happened. As Tom leaned over to whisper something in my ear and I laughed, unexpectedly, Harley glanced over at us. He made a move to walk over through the crowd but Ben gestured for him to stay. Serena took Ben’s arm, stared over at me as if we’d never met and in the moments I took to look away and glance back, the group who were supposed to be meeting us left to go to the upstairs eatery. Typical, I thought, he’s still trying to pay me back.

TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Twenty-five "Talking the Talk"

Chapter Twenty-five

Talking the Talk

I’d flung myself on my cousin-the-singer’s bed that night, exasperated. Apart from her amazing singing, the whole evening had been a disaster of epic proportions. Truly…  Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

The next day at work, I felt so drained; I’d barely had any sleep. I was determined to put Ben Wentworth’s name out of my head – forever. I was busy typing out my newest blog post in between wiping tables and serving customers when he actually had the hide to walk into my café looking like a freaking movie star.

    Ben sat at the counter, alone. I was so surprised after the previous night I nearly fainted. He looked hung over.

   This was it. I was ready for him and not ready to take any more. He could just stop rubbing his success and his happiness in my face; it was getting a little old.

   “Can I help you?” I asked.

   “I’d like a coffee, Jane.”

   “Sobering up are we, after last night’s little excesses? I saw you with a drink in one hand and Serena Collins in the other. I hope the Air Force tests you every time you fly.”

    Ben looked at me and sighed, “First drink in weeks, Jane.”

    “I guess you had good reason to celebrate.”

    “What?”

     “Serena? The woman you were with. You must have known I wasn’t expecting to see her again.”  

    “It was a surprise.”

    “Oh,” was all I said.

    “Not a welcome one,” he added.

   I barely heard him. I started to make coffee. “I guess you’ll be wanting extra milk. I’ve heard it’s good for hangovers.”

    “Sure,” he said smoothly.

    I poured the lukewarm milk over his head and dumped the sugar in his lap.

    “I… can’t believe you just did that!”

    “And I can’t believe you came back here just to witness my humiliation and throw Serena Collins in my face!”

    “I don’t know what you mean,” he said, wiping his jeans and face with the napkins, “I came back here for... I had no idea she was back in town. She wanted to surprise me on my birthday. But I wanted to see… my favorite Elliot girl again…”

     He’d nearly let it slip. It was so obvious he liked Lia. I couldn’t blame him but did he have to throw that in my face too? “Oh, it’s not just that it’s everything! Me here… alone, my family, you with the last laugh, you were practically implicit in throwing me out of my summer house…”

    “The place was up for rent! Someone would have rented it, if not my sister.”

     “Yes and I’d prefer it if that someone were anyone but your family….  That house has been with my family… “

    “Oh, you mean your spoilt sisters and a father who let me know that in no uncertain terms years ago what he thought of me and my family! I thought I was doing you a favor!”

    “A favor? It was the kind of favor I could do without!”

   By this point every customer in the shop had stopped eating and was looking at me like I was not a very nice person. And who knows, in the years I’d missed him, unspoken to anyone but Eleanor and only in these past few days, maybe I had become a different person. Certainly a girl – a woman – who dared to speak her mind, not just to her family but also to the man she loved.

    “Oh, please, women don’t give up on someone even after all hope is gone! It’s men who are quick to forget, who can’t even be bothered putting up a fight…”

     I couldn’t believe what I’d just said. I mean… to make matters even worse, I added, “look at you, you’ve flaunted a different cousin in front of me every day for two weeks. They have no idea what you meant to me. I don’t know what you expect…” 

     “From you? Very little, but I have as much right to be here as you do. Remember, this town is named after my relatives. I know that kind of thing is important to you and your family!”

     “Don’t talk to me any more about my family.”

     “They were… integral, weren’t they? To our happiness?” he said bitterly.

     “You mean our unhappiness,” I said under my breath.

     “You’re so different, Jane. So outspoken, so forthright... Perhaps you know your own mind at last.”

     At this point Lia and Harley flung open the door in their sweat pants. It was obvious they’d been jogging along the beach front. Ben must have walked over first up to speak to me, alone.   

     Lia grabbed Ben’s arm and dragged him with her, “quick, you have to come and see, someone’s made a sand sculpture of a castle outside…”

    I looked away.

    “Hi Jane,” Lia said, oblivious to our argument. “Are we still all meeting to go shopping after work today?”

   “Yes,” I smiled, lowering my voice.

    Lia had not only interrupted my first argument with Ben but she had also diffused it, as she dragged Ben breathlessly into the morning air. He didn’t look back. He would be eternally grateful to be rid of me once he’d left for flight training in Texas. Harley had told me he was going next week. We’d never have to see each other again after that and he’d be able to ignore my ‘confrontational mood’ for the rest of his life.

    Ten minutes after they’d gone, the shop was empty. The customers had left. There was quiet for the first time all morning. That’s when I heard a piercing scream and was reminded of Jenny’s voice and that terrible moment in Wentworth Canyon, six years ago.   

TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) "History Never Repeats"

Chapter Twenty-six

History Never Repeats

The waves created an echo, the sound of screaming, like a round of singing that was harsh and out of tune…  Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

    At this point, Hailee came rushing into The Beach Shack, hugging her puppy to her chest, a leash wrapped around her wrist. She hovered at the door before she walked forward.   

   “Help, come quick! It’s Lia, she’s fallen off the pier; Ben dived in after her but we need to get help.”

    It was so early there was hardly anyone outside and no one on the beach. I spun around, and grabbed a first-aid box behind the counter. I was no expert but because I worked with small children I’d had to keep my first-aid certificate up to date. 

   “Hailee, dial 911,” I grabbed the kit and ran down to the beach with my sister Liz trailing behind me. The beach was deserted at this hour on an uncharacteristically chilly summer morning and there were no lifeguards in sight.

     I slid on my knees in the sand next to Ben who had dragged Lia from the ocean and was doing his best to resuscitate her.

     He looked at me, devastated, “I… I think she was trying to impress me. She crawled onto the rail and yelled out. Her hand slipped and she fell.”

     “Help me,” I said, “quickly.”

     We took turns performing CPR.

     He did as I asked. Ben had also been through this process in the military.

     I cleared Lia’s mouth with my hand again before we took turns doing rapid chest compressions. She was breathing but it was the gash on her head that bothered me. It was a miracle Ben had managed to retrieve her from the water. Ben looked almost as pale as Lia. I hadn’t forgotten he probably hadn’t had any sleep last night.

     “It’s not what you think,” he said between breaths, “I broke up with Serena, she had someone else anyway. I was never interested in her.”

     “It doesn’t matter now. Just let’s stay together with this until the paramedics arrive.”

    Suddenly Lia began turning blue.

    I showed Ben the exact spot where my hands met between Lia’s ribs and told him to press hard…

    “It’s alright, I remember,” Ben said, gratefully.

    “Did you remember to check her throat?”

     He cleared her airway again and breathed air into her mouth. We took it in turns to press and breathe and did our best to maintain the rhythm that kept my cousin alive until the paramedics came and did the rest.

     Hailee raced to our side with Liz and Tom after calling her parents. I rolled onto my back as the paramedics lifted Lia; Ben sat up and put his face into his arms.

    After twenty minutes of that, there were no words; we were exhausted. We just prayed we’d done enough to save my cousin.

    I looked at him.

    “What was she doing out here with you?”

    “She just jumped up to sit on the fence. Then she stood up and tried to balance on the ledge. She was telling me some stupid joke on the spur of the moment; she was laughing. It was crazy. I shouldn’t have encouraged her.”

     “You can’t blame yourself, Ben. She likes you. It’s obvious.” Who wouldn’t? I thought.

      Ben looked at me like I was an alien.

      “I think she’s going to be okay. She was breathing when they loaded her onto the stretcher. C’mon…”

       Ben looked at me intently trying to understand something, the moment we’d just shared.

       “You… you didn’t behave like that when we were together.”

       It was a slow and steady love, I wanted to say. The best and one that has never ended, I thought.

       Instead, I got up and brushed the sand off my jeans.

      “C’mon, I said, we need to get going. They’re taking her to Wentworth Central.”

      An hour later we learnt Lia would pull through, she was awake and okay. It had been a long hour and Ben never left my side.

    “The CPR helped to save her life,” I heard the nurse tell Ben who told Harley he’d never have managed it without me.

     “Jane was the best person to call for help. She is the most stable and the quickest thinking person in a crisis that I’ve ever known.”

      High praise indeed. 

      I was just glad that my cousin was alive and the expression of relief on Ben’s face was palpable.  I’d fallen asleep beside Lia’s bed and my sisters had taken me home. Melissa had even arrived after the children were in bed to pat my hand and tell me how great I was in a crisis. It was as if she was actually proud of me. 

     I was slumped in the front seat with a seatbelt wound tightly around me when Liz drove us home. Melissa snoozed in the back seat and we could hear her snoring during the drive to Bel Air. As we pulled into our driveway, even my father was waiting up to see us.

     “Dad wouldn’t go to sleep until he knew Lia was safe and you were home. He loves you, you know, he just expects more of you than the rest of us.”

      I shrugged.

     “You know, Ben didn’t leave Lia’s room all night…”

     “He must really like her,” I told Liz sleepily. 

     “Are you sure, Jane? I’ve never thought the best of him when I could think the worst, yet I’ve never seen a man more devoted to you.”

     I was speechless.

TRULY (inspired by Persuasion) chapter Twenty-seven "Say Yes"

Chapter Twenty-seven

Say Yes

My mind was reeling…  Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

    That night, I slept wild dreams, over and over. I dreamt about how everything could have been. I dreamt of Ben.

    I dreamt history hadn’t repeated. History was different. Ben and I hadn’t broken up after school ended. Instead, we roamed the beaches of Cabo on that Mexican holiday we’d always intended to take. Children were running around beside us flying kites and paper planes overhead in the breeze. As I lay on the beach in the sun, a little child spoke to me, “Open your eyes,” he said. Then Ben peered over me as both man and child splashed me with water and Ben dragged me into the ocean, uncaring, happy and free.

    The baby screeched me awake. Melissa seemed to be able to lie in, ignore it.

    I trundled upstairs.

    “The nanny should arrive at nine,” she said blurrily, “Then we’re going home. I made it up with Fred. The truth is, we love each other and we’re going to work it out.”

     “Well I’m very happy for you, Melissa,” I said.

     “Oh, by the way,” Melissa couldn’t resist telling me this. “I have it on good authority that a Wentworth stayed through the next night with our cousin Lia. He slept on the couch.”

     “Excuse me?”

     For a moment, I thought she meant Ben. I felt lost.

    “Oh, don’t look so worried. It was the other Wentworth, Harley. Apparently they’re into each other.”

      “What’s that supposed to mean?”
      “Well, only that it appears our younger cousins know how to get a man…”

      “Are you serious? You think Lia jumped off the pier to get Harley’s attention?”

      “I wouldn’t put it past her. Anyway, he’s a partner in Ben’s company so she’s got a good catch there.”

       Liz shouted out in agreement.

     “Yes, Jane, Lia knows quality when she sees it.”

      That was it for me. Finally, I found my voice, the one that had been welling up inside me for a while, and I used it.

       “You know what Liz? Tom just might be the man for you and you’ve pushed him away. Don’t make the same mistake I did since I’m such a walking warning to you both. And as for you Missy, while you’re fixing your semi-perfect relationship, maybe you should be enrolling in parenting classes at the same time.”

    “Oh, that’s rich Jane. Maybe when you, if you, ever have children and a husband you’ll understand just how much juggling is involved.”

    “Maybe you’re right, but that doesn’t give you or Liz the right to treat me like a non-person.”

    Liz was standing at the door looking quite shocked.

    “Where do you both get these ideas from about me having no idea what it means to have pressures? All women have pressures, married or not and all women have barriers; we should be working together as a family. In case you both haven’t noticed there is a huge financial crisis going on in this house; and not just in this house!”

     My sisters just stood and stared.

     “No need to shout, Jane,” Missy said.

     “Yes, Jane,” Liz added, “I think we take your point.”

     People, including your own family, can only make you feel less than, if you let them.

     Melissa was open mouthed after my little tirade. I left the house for work in a hurry.

     Liz must have thought about what I said; when I arrived at the café a conciliatory text was waiting for me on my cell.

     As a sister, Jane, we love you. Apology given from two in awe of you and yours is duly accepted.

     Apology? What apology.

     Please, I hadn’t even sent one.

     As I polished the countertop, I realized I probably would have, eventually. I hated fighting with my sisters but enough was enough.

     Liz could learn something from me? I wonder what she meant by that? Had Melissa also learnt how to “prioritize and put herself first” from all the advice on How to Live the Perfect Life blogs she read? Probably. I liked surfing the net as much as the next person but external encouragement was no excuse for always putting herself first. Then I realized Melissa was used to me taking care of everything. Perhaps it was time for Missy to sort out her own life.  And Liz was my older sister. Perhaps she didn’t need dating advice. Perhaps she’d learnt from my mistake to take the man that made the effort, that loved her, the one that was her match; even to be exclusive, now that Tom was prepared to show his hand.

      Keira was right when she said it was time for me to stand up for myself. My sisters would be forced to take a bit more responsibility, to end our co-dependency.  So would I. Especially if I transferred my college courses to another state.

     Of course, I’d miss my young nephews (especially when they weren’t shrieking), but I’d see 

them often. It was time to move on, even if I was sure to be on my own and I had barely any 

money and I’d be more than a little lost at first. It was time to make some new friends, perhaps 

even make my father and sisters miss me (at least for a semester). I could probably even 

arrange a loan from Eleanor.

TRULY (a modern version of Jane Austen's Persuasion) chapter Twenty-eight

Chapter Twenty-eight

New Days

The sweetness of fresh pancakes with wild berry sauce filled the air… Confessions of a Post-teenage Hermit

     The following morning I gave notice at the café. My aunt and uncle knew I’d be finishing up in September, when first semester started. I’d decided to try selling my clothes online and I was excited to tell Keira about my plans. I hadn’t seen or heard from Ben for days. I was beginning to wonder if the “Wentworth brother going with the Elliot girl,” (something I’d heard the mother’s group discussing) was actually Ben and Liz. I hadn’t heard from the mysterious Ben since the night we spent by Lia’s bedside.

     Although I had heard he’d been up at the beach looking at real estate higher on the bend – “no doubt to impress Serena Collins,” I’d heard Dana suggesting to another former Social over coffee that morning. Well, they were welcome to each other because it didn’t matter how much I loved Ben, if he didn’t love me, there was really nothing more I could do. My Godmother (a wise woman) once told me, “you can’t make someone love you.” 

     My last morning at the cafe, Tom Winchester arrived unexpectedly. He looked worried.  I realized he was nervous about something.

    “The usual Jane,” he said.

    I bought him a coffee.

    “What’s news?”

    “Your sister is playing hard to get, she’s been running hot and cold for months now, and so I’ve decided it’s time.”

     “For what?”

     “For her to marry me.”

     Oh, great, just what I needed. Tom Winchester as a brother-in-law, but in truth, over our morning chats; I’d developed a fondness for him. He was at least genuine where Liz was concerned. Not “just a gold digger” as Liz had once said, I was sure of it. Besides, it was all over the papers that our family were now officially broke, so if he was digging for gold, he was digging in the wrong place.

    Even so.

    “Are you serious?” I asked.

    “Yes.”

    “Then you better let me see the ring, because Liz has a bad value system and she won’t want it unless it’s big.”

     He produced a diamond sparkler. Huge. I was beyond envy (truly) and I just smiled.

     “Good luck,” I said, “you’ll need it, but that’s a start. It’s beautiful Tom. I think Liz is going to love it. You should go for it.”

     After all, I loved each of my sisters no matter what. I’d never stand in the way of their happiness. Now it was up to me to find some of my own.

    

     Tom leaned in close and gave me the ring to hold. For a moment our foreheads touched, it almost looked like we were about to share a kiss (obviously no way, not ever), then he gave me a brotherly peck on the cheek.

     “Thanks Jane,” he said and rushed out.

      This moment happened just as Ben walked into the The Beach Shack and stood in the morning light. He must have seen us together again. He looked surprised. No more than me.

TRULY (a modern version of Jane Austen's Persuasion) chapter Twenty-nine

Chapter Twenty-nine

Finally, Madly, Truly

In the end there’s only so much advice I could give to girls like me: the ones who can’t or won’t give up on their true loves; first loves; best loves. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find him again. And if it’s not, (I think), if you make the opportunity, you’ll find someone else… Truly (a blog by Jane Elliot)

   

    “Wow, I said, that was weird.”

    “For a moment I thought you and Tom…”

    “Were together? No, he’s obsessed with Liz.”

    “Oh,” Ben said with a smile.

    “I just got a report on Lia from Harley. They’re sending her home today.”

    “I know. I already checked but thanks for telling me.”

     I didn’t stop cleaning the benches. What was the point? 

     I hadn’t made a new blog entry in days. My notes for my most recent entry lay very much unfinished on the laptop in my satchel. I was trying to work on this entry because I felt it would be one of the most important I would write.

     I’ve moved on, I’d tell my readers.

     I’ve embraced change and put the past behind me. I’d advise them to do the same. Out with the old, bring in the new.

     Arghh! I just got a text from Liz. She bumped into Tom on the boardwalk. My older sister was coming to me for advice.

     He asked me to marry him Liz texted. What should I do?

     Say YES I texted back.

     Okay, she texted. That’s what I was going to do. It’s just that I value your good opinion.

     It’s yours, I texted. He’s changed a lot since high school!

     We all had.

     I shook my head. Ben was still seated in the café.

    “Oh,” I said, “I thought you’d left.”

    “No,” he replied. “At the risk of stating the obvious, I’m still here.”

    I’d accepted that Ben was leaving, that he was with Serena, that he even loved her. He said to Keira, “There’s already a woman I love, that I want to marry,” when Keira was joking around with him that night at The Mermaid Hut. Those were his exact words, I just didn’t want to write them down until I knew all hope was gone, didn’t want to admit them even to myself. I’d never let a social climber like Serena Collins get the best of me. I’d move on.

     Besides, Melissa, ever the family gossip, told me that Ben, in a moment of weakness confided to Keira that he was planning to ask the woman he loved to marry him. He’d added, “I’m not sure she’d move to Texas with me while I complete my flight training.” Then he asked Keira what she thought and she replied, “Maybe you should ask the woman in question.”  

     I remember Missy had thought it was in poor taste that he’d bothered discussing Serena with Keira while he waited for me in the lounge room, (no doubt fielding texts from Serena), but I said, “everyone multi-tasks these days.” As if I cared.

    “What can you expect,” my father grumbled, “from those types of people.”

     My sister Melissa agreed, but then a changed expression came across Liz’s face, almost as if she’d worked out something that the rest of us hadn’t.

    “A lot daddy, he’s well educated and hot. Someone also taught him manners.”

    Whatever, I thought. I had to move on. I had moved on.

    Like I said, over these few days, Ben had seemed to disappear.

    We’d parted amicably enough this time.

    I was resigned.

     I’d wandered over to Kellynch, determined to speak to his sister before I left to let her know there were no hard feelings and that maybe we could even be friends now that Ben and I were over it all, but the place was locked up.

     I’d never go back to Kellynch. When the lease was up, I knew my father and Liz aimed to sell the place. A few million would settle our debts and allow the family to rebuild. The next generation would never visit Kellynch but maybe they’d have something better – self-determination and the desire to build their own house of dreams.   

    That afternoon, the afternoon Ben arrived in the café unexpectedly, it rained.

    I was reading over my design school prospectus as it poured down. They had campuses in New York, San Francisco and Texas. Well, there was no way I’d be going to Texas. No way, not ever.

    I shut out the rain and wiped the tables as Ben stood framed in the doorway. He was so tall and strong looking; he seemed to fill up the empty space, like one of those annoyingly hot 1980s Brat Pack actors.

    This was good. The café was deserted and I was happy, now that we were just friends, for his company.

    I wanted to tell him my plans. I was excited to be moving to... I looked at the brochure… New York, yes, that would be as good a place as any. Besides, I could even stay with the other half of my family until I got on my feet. It could all be arranged.

    There he stood, hair wet and dripping on the mat, not a person in the entire café – no place emptier than a beach town on a rainy day.

      “I… I think I need a hot drink,” he said.

      I smiled.

      “What can I get you?

      “Mmm… a hot chocolate, please.”

      “That’s unusual,” I said. “Most men don’t go for that drink…it’s too sweet.”

      “I’m not most men.”

       I looked up and smiled.

       “I know,” I said as I heated the milk.

       “Are you sure that’s safe today?”

       He went to find his wallet.

       “It’s on the house,” I said, smiling again. “What brings you out here in this miserable weather?”

       “You.”

       I ignored the inference. There was no way he was going to wind me up over Serena Collins today. I pretended I hadn’t heard him, of course. I just nodded and changed the subject.

      “I heard about Harley and Lia,” I said. “Via Hailee, of course. She described him as if he was you. For a second I thought maybe you and Lia were together, but then I know you have a girlfriend so I didn’t really think that was possible.” I paused then added, “Send Harley my congratulations. I’m… not surprised. Lia is, unforgettable. I wouldn’t blame either of you for liking my cousins.”

      Ben nodded as he sat at a round table, near where I walked out from behind the counter. Then he looked alarmed.

      “What do you mean?”

      “Only that Harley told me once that he doubted he’d ever love anyone else but,” I hesitated, “Jenny.”

      Ben nodded, sipped his chocolate. “Well, my brother is pretty good at… not giving up. At least he’s trying to… move on. Finally.”

     I didn’t think he was going to offer any further input. The strong silences took a bit of getting used to. I’d convinced myself the Air Force had changed him, made a man out of him as they say, and of course it had. He had more to tell me after the waves crashed outside in the storm, interrupting our silence.

      “I think that, well, the truth is… Lia is very young and…fun. But, Jenny was, I think, his perfect match. So even though they were also teenagers, they were together a year and I think that relationship would have stood the test of time.

     Though I am happy that they have found each other, it remains to be seen if he and Lia are going to last as a couple. I don’t really think he’s recovered from his first relationship… a man does not get over that kind of love, with that kind of person. Lia is very young, just eighteen, and it remains to be seen if she is right for him and vice versa. Besides, they’ve only known each other a few weeks.”

    “I think; true love stands the test of both time and… separation, if it is lucky.”

     I looked away.

     By then he was standing close to me; so close in fact that he reached out to touch my cheek.

     He leant towards me and kissed me softly. I hardly believed I’d ever touch his lips with my own again. He smiled softly as we pulled apart.

   “You’re not?”

   “What?”

   “Involved with Tom Winchester are you?”

   “Are you kidding? My sister has been dating him for a few months. I sort of played matchmaker. I’m glad you’re jealous though.”

    Ben smiled.

    “I think he’ll get a shock when he realizes my family need to sell the beach house. I think he likes it more than he likes Liz. He might not be so ‘in love’ with her when he finds out our family are now flat broke.”

  “Nah, they’re made for each other.”

  He took my hand and looked into my eyes.

  “Follow me.”

   I chattered aimlessly as we walked for a bit along the edge of the beach road like old times.

   “Tom has actually got his eye on the Beach House because it’s become more valuable with the years and he thinks my sister owns it, but really, she thinks his family (his father is a film producer, remember) might just want to buy it and she wants to sell it to him. So the perfect match is at cross purposes. I think their love will withstand such pressures and they might find a happy medium…”

    “Definitely,” Ben said.

     We’d locked up the empty café, and, without really thinking about it, jumped into his convertible.  I continued to talk on. It was as if the years of silences were being filled up in ten minutes. I talked over the breeze and the sound of the ocean waves as we drove along the winding road that led to Kellynch.

    “He thinks she owns it outright, he’s going to get quite a shock. We don’t own much of anything anymore, even though this real estate has become more valuable over the years…”

    Ben stopped the car, once we’d reached about a mile further up the road, a good distance past Kellynch.

    “Like you,” he said suddenly.

    “Are you serious? My entire family are flat broke. They just won’t admit it yet. For once, they have nothing to be snobbish about, that’s for sure.”

    Ben gave me a slight smile.

    “That’s okay. I never wanted you for your money, anyway.”

    “That’s good,” I smiled, “because I don’t have any.”

    “I’m worth kind of a lot myself.”

    “I know. You were always worth kind of a lot, more than a lot.”

     “I… think you have become more yourself over the years we’ve been apart. Your value could not increase in my eyes because you are… invaluable. But I’m wondering if being around me in Texas while I go through flight training would drive you nuts. Being an officer’s wife is never easy…”

    “Well, I’d be very busy with my college classes.” I waved the brochure near his face. “Oh look, conveniently, they have a campus in Texas. But it’s probably not a good idea. Like I said, you can’t be serious. All these weeks you’ve been here, you barely seemed to notice me, much less speak to me unless you had to.” I determined to play it cool, but not too cool, this time.

    “I was wrong. I wanted to make you jealous. My heart was almost… broken.”

    “So was mine.”

    We walked down from the road and sat on the edge of the sand as the waves played along the shore.

   “But you rejected me, Jane. It took a lot of getting over. My final year of school was really tough. A shadow fell over everyone after Jenny; I know it can’t have been easy for you either.”

     I looked away.

     He continued, “I thought for years that I would get over you, but I never have. My love for you has only increased in strength. There is, nor could there ever be, another love like ours. But you should put me out of my misery now if you haven’t changed your mind since before,” he added these words quickly, as if it had taken him more than the courage it took to fly a plane, to say them.

    I interrupted him, “My mind is completely changed.”

    “Then would you consider being an officer’s wife?”

     “I would.”

     He smiled, “Then,” he leaned on one knee as he spoke, in the middle of the empty beach, “then I’m asking you again, Jane Elliot, will you marry me?”

     “Yes,” I replied, without hesitation.

     “Are you… are you sure this time?” he asked with a smile after we’d kissed again.

     “I am completely, truly, sure. I have never loved any man the way I love you.”

     “And I have never loved any woman, the way I love you…”

      “And nothing…” I said

      “And nothing?” he asked…

      “And no one…”

      “No one?”

      Ben smiled disarmingly.

      “No one,” I continued, “will ever persuade me to think differently.”

      The water splashed the sand on the shore, “then look behind you,” he said.

      “I see a cliff, some land…”

      “I want to build a house for you… for us. We’d have to stay in Texas for a few years but we could always visit, during vacations.”

      “Here are the plans.”

       He pulled out some paper from the pocket of his jeans.

       The house, new but made in a familiar design, was to be built overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was a few lots away from the one I grew up summering in, it would be built on higher land using sturdier foundations. I looked up and imagined it in the sun, even better situated than Kellynch, if that was possible. If it was possible, you could see all the way to Hawaii. This would be a house to love and raise a family in, to feel safe in, a place to call our own.  

   “So this is the surprise,” I said.

   “For you.”

   “For us.”

   “Yes, us.”

   I looked at him and smiled. Our fingers linked together as we kissed. This love felt everlasting, worth waiting for. True and tangible, I’d never be persuaded against what I felt again.