How to be Popular by
Honey Woodhouse
Chapter One
Finding a match
My entirely wonderful matchmaking plans were
born in Beverly Hills although Phoebe is sure to tell you they were born at
Farmer’s markets.
The
sun shone through the stained glass windows of the Church of Beverly Hills on
Phoebe’s and Mark’s wedding day, inspiring me along with their spoken vows.
It had
taken ten years but I’d made it happen. I had created plenty of ‘opportunities’
for them to date and told one how highly the other person thought of them and
vice versa even when they’d told me no such thing. I’d even written a list of
compliments in the form of a dialogue that Ethan observed me writing over my
shoulder once, but that’s a whole other story.
“Honey,
what are you doing?” Ethan had asked.
“Nothing you need to know about,” I replied (quite huffily, I admit). It’s
rude to read over the shoulders of others.
Ethan raised his eyebrow.
He and
Wednesday (the younger half-sister of Mouche - who was Phoebe’s best friend) often
came over to swim at my place when we were little kids. Then Wednesday’s career
as an actress really took off. She started by doing commercials but now she spends
part of the year in Wilmington filming a teen television series. She enrolls at
Sunrise when she’s back home.
Without
a doubt, the marriage between Ethan’s hot older cousin and my babysitter was my
greatest matchmaking moment.
Phoebe
and Mark were exchanging vows one week before I was due to start at Sunrise
High. Wednesday was filming in Georgia so I was mentally preparing exactly how
I’d establish myself in my freshman year – alone, without my best friend - and
even the outfit I’d wear to my new school on my first day. I’d left The High
School for Young Ladies after sixth grade. It was way snobbish there. I needed
a new scene and Phoebe suggested Sunrise. Sunrise was like a breath of fresh
air and I quickly became friends and part of a group of girls (generationly known as ‘the princesses’). I couldn’t wait for sophomore year to start. I had
so many plans. But first of all, I had to decide what to wear.
Hair braided at the side? Too Amish? I’m not saying that’s a bad thing
but I am not Amish, obviously.
Sailor suit top tailored over jeans? Too Glee? Too Sound of Music?
Maybe. Again, not necessarily a bad thing.
Gloss or pale lipstick? Both make a statement. Both say, I made an
effort but I don’t think looks are more important than developing a personality. Sure, I know most girls don’t get
rewarded for having a personality but trust me, one day it will pay to have
one.
Now, shoes or boots? Shoes say “here I am, and I’m a conformist.” This
is probably a good thing to be on your first day at a new school. Boots say, “I’m
making a statement!” Especially my adorable just over the knee ones. They’re saying,
“Here I am, a fashion diva, ready to friend but don’t mess with me.”
I
was very eager to consolidate my group of BFFs with a new member or two. It
takes an army to make a village… or does it take a village to make an army?
Whatever it is, it takes more than one person to appear popular and without
popularity, you have no influence. Influence is how the world – especially my teenage
world, turns.
Now, if I can’t influence someone like Ethan – how could I possibly
influence anyone else? Look at him on my group photo screensaver. Pitiful, huh?
He’s cute, obviously, but he has no style. He needs my help but he won’t ask
for it.
Ethan is probably a bad example of me wielding my power, eager as he is
to listen intently to everything I have to say, laugh and inevitably do the
opposite. Not only does he disregard both my feelings and my opinions but he
ignores almost totally my fashion sense. That flaw is the hardest to accept.
For example, I put on a new skirt to show
Maria (our housekeeper) the other day. Ethan just happened to be indulging in
one of her chocolate cakes (he eats like a horse and maintains an athlete’s
muscle tone) and he just ignores my style completely.
“Was
it too far above the knee?” I asked Phoebe. Phoebe smiled and shook her head.
Ethan didn’t even glance in my direction. It’s
so offensive when ignorance breeds that kind of superiority complex. Generally,
if I’m being obnoxious my father sends me back to my room while Ethan just sits
in the study with Daddy going over the latest stock reports or whatever, once
again paying me scant attention.
Oh,
there he is now.
Maria hands him an extra piece of cake.
I’m
reminded… of Phoebe’s wedding…
At
Phoebe’s wedding reception, I was seated alone admiring the gorgeousness of the
wedding cake, the venue and the cleverness of my matchmaking handiwork – the
house with the fairy lights lit up the garden as all of the guests (including
Wednesday who had managed to get the day off from filming Teen Daze – the television show she’s in) were huddled together. I
had encouraged my two best friends to dance with two juniors I’d invited without
realizing I’d be left at the table for the first ten minutes of the evening.
That’s when Ethan, dressed from head to toe in exactly the suit I
recommended he wear, came up to say hello. His dance partner (who knew he even
danced?) was hanging onto his hand like her life depended on it. I always
encourage women not to appear so needy, but whatever. I’m not sure what I’d
encourage Ethan’s potential girlfriends to do since they had the dubious taste
to set their sights on Ethan in the first place.
Ethan is barely twelve months older than me but he already thinks he
knows everything. He’s seriously not the wisest of men where girls are
concerned. I mean, I’m so much more mature. He just has no idea. For example,
most women are not interested in the robotics and engineering elective he’s
considering taking at UCLA alongside his political science major.
Tonight, he seems to barely notice the girl he’s with, so I’m sure
she’ll wise up soon. He’s way too busy talking to the group of little ones
surrounding him. The whole room is lit up like a fairy castle (again, my
influence, the real wedding planner wanted to go tribal!)
Ethan is seated with the youngest bridesmaids who are listening
rapturously to his magical story.
He’s hidden the final treasure hunt prize in his jacket and the whole
room looks at him as if to say, “aww,” except me.
“Honey!”
He says as he looks up.
He
was pleased to see me, I could tell, but he’s already about to give me some
advice about my ‘matchmaking’ activities because he clearly disapproves of them.
I pretend to be extremely engrossed in my
conversation with Phoebe’s former teacher Ms Dash (wearing a dress two seasons
out of date), before he can catch my eye again. Ms Dash could definitely use my fashion advice
but she’s far too interested in encouraging me to ‘excel’ in art class, which
is admirable, but she shouldn’t neglect her manicure.
I
was trapped between a rock and a hard place as Ethan introduced his new
girlfriend to me.
“Honey,”
he said, “I’d like to introduce you to Gigi.”
“Nice
to meet you, Gigi,” I said and I meant it even though Gigi’s smile was
unwelcoming, a few of her parts looked fake (isn’t sixteen too young for
plastic surgery?) and her fashion sense was completely underwhelming.
Ethan whispered, ‘be nice,’ behind her shoulder.
“How
could you imagine I wouldn’t be?” I asked as he touched Gigi’s arm and she
dragged his uncoordinated feet onto the dance floor.
At
least Phoebe, Mark and Wednesday seemed to be enjoying themselves as Wednesday,
Ty and Jessica (my friends) pulled me onto the dance floor and we all started
to dance in a circle around the happy couple. After the song ended, Phoebe and
Wednesday were talking animatedly and admiring each other’s gowns. Wednesday
had brought a yummy looking dude from the film set who at one point joined the
band. Wednesday told me after, like most people he wanted to be something he
wasn’t. He wanted to be a guitarist not an actor.
“Acting’s not all I thought it
would be but I’m making a great college fund. Mouche would be proud,” Wednesday
added. As I mentioned earlier, Mouche, Phoebe’s best friend, was Wednesday’s
half-sister.
I
agreed. I vaguely remembered Mouche – I was only tiny, like Wednesday, when Mouche
was killed. I’ve seen photos of her though and her beauty
is legendary around here. Phoebe once told me what a fun and talented person
Mouche was and I see that in her photographs and in Wednesday’s smile.
As
I surveyed the world, my world, I noticed in that moment, all was right with
it.
Almost.
I
could never have known where my next social challenge would take me.
